The Two-Year-Old Dependency Paradox

Anyone who has ever had a 2-year old knows that life with a child of that age can be full of paradoxes. I find that one of those paradoxes exists around dependency.

My 2-year-old Sarah is an extremely independent child. If she falls down, don't even try to sympathize or help her back up. She will not hold my hand going down the stairs or even allow me to have my hand hover near her. If I try to help her with something she is working on and she hasn't asked for my help, you can only imagine the response. And worst of all, despite my continuing efforts, she is convinced that she does not need to hold my hand while crossing the street or walking in a parking lot. Sometimes she even forcefully breaks away from me, runs across the street and once she is safely on the other side, she looks at me and says "Good job Sarah!" The look in her eyes tells me "See Mommy. I can do it myself!"

And then there's the dependent Sarah. God forbid she should be able to play on her own for a few minutes while I fold laundry or cook supper. Instead she's always there making her hundred requests per minute or trying to get me to play another game. While I can see improvement in that area, there's no more dependent time for Sarah than sleep time. Sarah needs her water bottle (filled with cold water) and the closet doors must be closed. Even the idea that anyone other than me should put her to sleep is ridiculous. Some days she is so needy that I want to scream!

Sometimes it can be hard for mothers to talk about dependent toddlers. From parents to doctors to psychologists to just about anybody, you hear that the sooner you eliminate dependent tendencies the better. So many people are focused on having independent children. According to Dr. Sears, "[t]he problem with many of the modern theories about discipline is that they focus so much on fostering independence that they lose sight of the necessity for a toddler to continue a healthy dependence."^[1]

There are definite disadvantages to having a dependent 2-year-old. Mothers who respond to dependent toddlers may find that they have considerably less freedom than mothers who push independence, and then there's the peer pressure to push independence as well. But the advantages to your toddler will last a lifetime. Once again, Dr. Sears points out:

Best odds for a baby developing a healthy sense of self is for the baby to separate from the mother and not the mother from the baby. Discipline problems are less likely to occur when baby separates from mother gradually.^[1]

The dependent/independent patterns of a 2-year-old are perfectly normal. Relax and remember that your child will become more independent in his or her own time. Nurtured dependence in infants and toddlers can lead to secure independence when your child is older.

[1] "Helping a Toddler Ease into Independence," AskDrSears.com, accessed September 26, 2010 from http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T131500.asp

Fun with Numerology

Okay, so please forgive me for straying into an area where there is no scientific research involved. Today is my birthday and that got me thinking about numerology. Numerology involves looking at the numbers that make up your birth date and/or converting letters from names in to numbers to analyze what influence those numbers are playing in your life.

Let's cut to the chase. Most people get the basic idea of numerology and if you don't know about it, it's not hard to find information about it on the internet. I'm more interested in talking about what numerology is good for. Some people take numerology really seriously: they choose their dates based on them and wouldn't name a cat without checking the numbers first.

Now while I have checked numerology of some things here and there, generally I prefer a more relaxed approach. Numerology brings up issues that are common to all people. All numbers apply to all people, it's just about which numbers/issues come to the forefront in which areas of a particular person's life. It never hurts to do a little self-exploration and numerology might be helpful with that.

My favourite numerology system is the Life-Purpose System by Dan Millman (author of Way of the Peaceful Warrior).^[1] In that system, my birthday becomes a 42/6 life path number. According to Millman, those on the 42/6 life path are here to "work through issues of perfectionism, process, and responsibility, taking life one step at a time, manifesting their vision in practical ways, and accepting the inherent perfection of their life."^[1] All I can say is that it's soooo true!

If you're at all inclined to do your numerology, I say go for it! If you want to take it seriously, you can find practitioners to help you with it. Otherwise find a book or a website and have fun!

[1] Dan Millman, The Life You Were Born To Live: A Guide To Finding Your Life Purpose (Tiburon, CA: H J Kramer, 1993).

Qi and the Energy Meridians

Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) "is one of the world's oldest complete systems of holistic health care."^[1] A major part of TCM is the idea of qi (pronounced CHEE), and the energy meridians that qi flows through.

Qi is considered to be a vital life force energy which "flows through the body following pathways called meridians."^[1] Qi must flow properly along the meridians in order for a person to remain healthy.^[1] Improper flow can mean that qi is stagnant (not moving), deficient or excessive.^[1]

There are a number of qi meridians which "flow along the surface of the body and through the internal organs."^[1] You may be familiar with the meridians if you've ever experienced acupuncture (or acupressure). The many surface points that correspond with the meridians are where acupuncturists place their needles.^[1]

Conventional medicine doesn't have anything resembling qi or energy meridians. But is there any reason to believe that Traditional Chinese Medicine (which has been around for something like 5,000 years), and the ideas of qi and energy meridians have any merit?

Well, there are many, many studies that show that acupuncture is beneficial in helping people with all sort of different issues. And I found one study that looked at the difference in electrical activity between points on the skin that run along TCM's energy meridians (called acupoints) and points that are not associated with energy meridians. The study found that there is more electrical activity along meridians than in other areas of the skin.^[2] In addition, the electrical activity along the meridians shows distinct patterns when the person is undergoing qi healing (in the form of different energy healing practices such as Reiki and Therapeutic Touch).^[2]

In various health theories including Tradition Chinese Medicine (TCM), energy is considered to be a blueprint for our physical form, and it is believed that physical illness will first manifest in our energy field. If you would like to learn more about what type of energy healing might benefit you, please book a Personal Health Consultation at Know Thy Health.

[1] Larry Trivieri, Jr. and John W. Anderson, eds., Alternative Medicine: The Definitive Guide (Berkeley, CA: Celestial Arts, 2002), 456-461.

[2] Maria Syldona and Glen Rein. "The Use of DC Electrodermal Potential Measurements and Healer's Felt Sense to Assess the Energetic Nature of Qi," Journal of Alternative & Complementary Medicine 5, no. 4 (1999): 329-347. Accessed September 18, 2010. http://www.liebertpub.com/products/product.aspx?pid=26.

Is Any Weight Loss Healthy?

I saw a new story the other day that really got me thinking. A nutrition professor from Kansas has been on a "junk food" diet for three weeks and he has lost 13 pounds!^[1] On top of the weight loss, his bad cholesterol levels have gone down and his good cholesterol levels have gone up.^[1] Can this be possible?

First of all, we have to be specific about what he's really eating. He's basically eating Twinkies, sugary cereal and milk, a few veggies, and the occasional hot dog and Doritos.^[1] Technically, and I'm really stretching it here, he's got the food groups covered (though nowhere near in the proper proportions).

A little word of warning here, I am not a nutritionist. But I do know a little bit about how the body works so here's what I think. There are logical explanations for why he is losing weight and why his cholesterol levels are changing. But is any weight loss good weight loss? I think not! Chances are that after this "diet" is over, he'll go back to his old way of eating and gain all of the weight back anyway. Even if he does transition to an actually healthy diet, his body will be so - and I use a technical term here - out of whack that it will probably take months for it to detox from the chemicals and actually start to be healthy. The problems this diet could cause won't even necessarily be obvious but may exist throughout his entire body.

To this man's credit, he's not recommending this diet to anyone else. I think he's doing a combination of experimenting (at his own expense) and perhaps trying to make a point that not all weight loss is good weight loss. Unfortunately, there are so many diet-crazed people out there that I expect at least hundreds, if not thousands of people to try the Twinkie diet out (though probably without the vegetables). The Twinkie diet is a shining example of why fad dieting is a bad idea!

[1] "Nutrition professor loses weight on Twinkie diet," CTV News, accessed September 18, 2010 from http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/Health/20100917/twinkie-diet-100917/.

Unmet Expectations

I've been thinking a lot about expectations lately. I started to notice an interesting trend in my life. Some of you mothers who take care of your child(ren) all day long may know what I'm talking about. When I've had a long day at home taking care of my daughter, at some point in the afternoon (or sometimes much sooner), I really look forward to the time when my husband will get home. I start watching the clock for what I think will be the exact time of his arrival.

Now some of those days, my husband will arrive on time or even early, and I feel relieved. Other times, he'll call and say he won't be home yet or he'll be in a meeting that goes long and can't even call. Those few hours or even minutes after his expected arrival time can be torturous. Sometimes that little bit of time can bring me to tears. What's up with that? I mean, I've survived a whole week with my husband away so it's not like I can't handle a whole day alone with my daughter.

The more I thought about this particular situation and others like it, the more I realized that I don't deal very well with my unmet expectations. I wonder, does everyone deal with unmet expectations as "badly" as I do?

Studies show that expecting a reward and not getting it causes a large drop in dopamine levels, creating an unpleasant feeling that is a lot like pain.^[1] Maybe I should always expect the worst? Well, while that might make me feel better for a little bit, studies show that the cost of such an attitude on my personality probably outweighs the short-term benefits.^[2]

The way I see it, I think it's important to be optimistic (more on that another day) but it's not realistic to "expect" things that aren't under our control. I can't control what time my husband comes home any more than I can control whether or not my 2 year-old will nap at a specific time (or at all these days). I'm pretty sure that dropping all of my unreasonable expectations is not going to be the easiest task, but considering how miserable they can make me, I think it will be worth it. Step 1 - Time to figure out what my "unreasonable" expectations are!

What expectations do you have that aren't serving you?

[1] Dr. David Rock. "(Not So Great) Expectations." Psychology Today, November 23, 2009. Accessed September 16, 2010. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-brain-work/200911/not-so-great-expectations.
[2] Sarit A. Golub, Daniel T. Gilbert, and Timothy D. Wilson. "Anticipating one's troubles: The costs and benefits of negative expectations," Emotion 9, no. 2 (2009): 277-281. Accessed September 16, 2010. doi: 10.1037/a0014716.

Spirituality vs. Religion

According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary:

Religion: a personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, and practice^[1]
Spirituality: the quality or state of being spiritual^[2]

Wow... those don't really say much. The difference between religion and spirituality is one of those modern topics that seems to be everywhere. I did a quick search and found a ton of articles on the topic. Even so, I thought this topic would be a good place to start my personal discussion about spirituality. WARNING! This is all my personal opinion and it is not my intention to offend anyone, but to be as respectful of all opinions as possible.

Let's start with spirituality. The word "spirit" comes from the Latin "spiritus" meaning breath.^[3] Breath is the essence of life; without it, there simply is no life. To me, spirituality is the act of searching for, feeling and living your true connection with God, the universe, science or whatever else you might believe in that is essential for the creation and sustenance of life.

And then, I think religion is an organized form of spirituality. Religion can include a specific set of beliefs, practices and/or traditions. In a sense, I think religion attempts to put a box around spirituality. You might be thinking that I'm going to start bashing religion like so many do. Actually, I think that religion has both positive and negative attributes. On the positive side, religion can help someone find their way through some of the difficulties of spirituality. It can provide a sense of community and support. A religion generally has specific teachings with countless people who have considered all aspects of every bit of it. Now moving to some disadvantages of religion, I think that sometimes all the structure masks the original spirituality. Many people belong to a religion and go through the motions without ever attempting to bring spirituality into their lives. Sometimes, people can build hierarchies in religions that allow them to consolidate power and push their own point of view into the teachings and these distortions can remain even centuries later.

Spirituality also has advantages and disadvantages in comparison to religion. Sometimes taking a spiritual path that is all your own can seem a little lonely. It may mean being different than others in your family or community. Taking a spiritual journey doesn't mean you won't be able to find teachers just as it means you won't necessarily be lead astray. Spirituality can also bring you strength and peace. And just because you haven't joined a specific religion doesn't mean you can't find a spiritual community with similar values.

So, there's religion and there's spirituality... Some choose one or the other, some choose neither and some choose both. Some people aren't even aware of the choice they have made. Just as all people are different, what works for each of us is different too. Is your spiritual life working for you?

[1] Merriam-Webster, s.v. "Religion," http://www.merriam-webster.com/ (accessed September 12, 2010).
[2] Merriam-Webster, s.v. "Spirituality," http://www.merriam-webster.com/ (accessed September 12, 2010).
[3] Merriam-Webster, s.v. "Spirit," http://www.merriam-webster.com/ (accessed September 12, 2010).

Flower Essence Therapy

"Flower Essences are liquid remedies which contain the vibrational or energetic 'essence' of a particular flower."^[1] Yup, here we go with an energy healing practice! Basically, flower essences are very similar to homeopathic remedies in that they are made of plant (in this case the flower of the plant) tinctures that are diluted over and over again. By the time you get a Flower Essence, there is nothing chemically left of the original flower. Actually, Flower Essences aren't meant to help a person heal chemically but energetically, and an electrical signature of the flower does remain in the Flower Essence tincture you buy at the store.

But can this liquid made of alcohol and water really affect your "energy?" Dr. Jeffrey Cram studied some specific Flower Essences against a placebo to see if the essences could calm people when they were exposed to mental stress. He didn't test the Flower Essences by asking the 24 subjects how they were feeling; he measured the electrical activity of their brains and muscles. And yes, he found that Flower Essences did make a difference compared to the placebo!^[2]

So what can Flower Essences help you with? Flower Essences help you address mental, emotional and spiritual issues and are a useful in self-development. A Flower Essence Therapy practitioner interviews you and determines which particular Flower Essences, or combination thereof, are best suited to help you reach your goals. There are Flower Essences for everything from learning how to accept your limits (Oak) to helping you feel emotional balance (Chamomile). "As Flower Essences help you uncover your unwanted thoughts and feelings, you can deal with unresolved issues and release feelings which may be negatively affecting your health."^[1]

Most Flower Essence combinations are taken for 28 days, during which it is also recommended that you engage in some sort of self-reflection activity, something like journal-writing or drawing. The self-reflection helps you realize what may be happening with the Flower Essences and helps you deal with your feelings.

If you are interested in trying Flower Essence Therapy, please book a session at Know Thy Health.

[1] Know Thy Health. "Know Thy Health's Services." Accessed September 11, 2010 from http://www.knowthyhealth.ca/services.html.
[2] Flower Essence Society. "Flower Essences stress reduction study." Accessed September 11, 2020 from http://www.flowersociety.org/cram2.html.