Unmet Expectations

I've been thinking a lot about expectations lately. I started to notice an interesting trend in my life. Some of you mothers who take care of your child(ren) all day long may know what I'm talking about. When I've had a long day at home taking care of my daughter, at some point in the afternoon (or sometimes much sooner), I really look forward to the time when my husband will get home. I start watching the clock for what I think will be the exact time of his arrival.

Now some of those days, my husband will arrive on time or even early, and I feel relieved. Other times, he'll call and say he won't be home yet or he'll be in a meeting that goes long and can't even call. Those few hours or even minutes after his expected arrival time can be torturous. Sometimes that little bit of time can bring me to tears. What's up with that? I mean, I've survived a whole week with my husband away so it's not like I can't handle a whole day alone with my daughter.

The more I thought about this particular situation and others like it, the more I realized that I don't deal very well with my unmet expectations. I wonder, does everyone deal with unmet expectations as "badly" as I do?

Studies show that expecting a reward and not getting it causes a large drop in dopamine levels, creating an unpleasant feeling that is a lot like pain.^[1] Maybe I should always expect the worst? Well, while that might make me feel better for a little bit, studies show that the cost of such an attitude on my personality probably outweighs the short-term benefits.^[2]

The way I see it, I think it's important to be optimistic (more on that another day) but it's not realistic to "expect" things that aren't under our control. I can't control what time my husband comes home any more than I can control whether or not my 2 year-old will nap at a specific time (or at all these days). I'm pretty sure that dropping all of my unreasonable expectations is not going to be the easiest task, but considering how miserable they can make me, I think it will be worth it. Step 1 - Time to figure out what my "unreasonable" expectations are!

What expectations do you have that aren't serving you?

[1] Dr. David Rock. "(Not So Great) Expectations." Psychology Today, November 23, 2009. Accessed September 16, 2010. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-brain-work/200911/not-so-great-expectations.
[2] Sarit A. Golub, Daniel T. Gilbert, and Timothy D. Wilson. "Anticipating one's troubles: The costs and benefits of negative expectations," Emotion 9, no. 2 (2009): 277-281. Accessed September 16, 2010. doi: 10.1037/a0014716.